u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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