You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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