3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
