We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
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