I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
two words: eviction party
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
