I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
