Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
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