Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
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