he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
