he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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