And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Randomize
