my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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