Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
