Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I need to sanitize my soul.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
