I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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