meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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