I'm lost and stupid without you.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
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