Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Randomize
