how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
