and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
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