My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
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