Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
