He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
