i permit you to call me
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Randomize
