By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
