A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
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