and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
