Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
