Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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