She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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