He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
