i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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