omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
