wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
