got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
