oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Randomize
