can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
