My liver just broke up with me...
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Im part way to drunk.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
