I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
