Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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