how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Randomize
