tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Randomize
