Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Randomize
