Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Randomize
