I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Randomize
