Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
