just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I stole a fireplace last night.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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