How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
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