Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
