so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Randomize
