My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
