she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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