guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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