Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
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