Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Randomize
