Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
