Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Randomize
