You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
