the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Randomize