So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Is it penis luge time yet?
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Randomize
