I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
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