we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
