Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
