I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I think I died a long time ago.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Randomize