I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
