Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
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