my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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